“Wow, you look amazing! Have you lost weight?”
I’m sure it’s a phrase that everyone has heard or used at some stage in their lives. It’s actually something that gets said to me a fair bit these days (coming from those few who don’t know i’m involved in the Size Acceptance movement, mainly) and it really irks me. The main reason is annoys me as much as it does is that I’m fatter now than I ever have been. For the record, it’s not my lack of fat that’s making me look awesome; it’s the fact that i am confident and in love with the person I am. I’m sexy and attractive and cute and funny and beautiful and smart and happy. And whether they realise it or not, that’s the change that people are seeing in me. I look great because I love me. I’m happy with who I am.
One of my close friends has recently shed a buttload of weight, and i hadn’t seen them in a while. When i saw them I was a little shocked – I said “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight!” and I didn’t mean as a compliment at all. I honestly thought they might’ve been sick – dramatic weight losses/gains are signs of illness in my world, and I was instantly worried. But when I commented, there was a look of triumph in their face as though they had finally beaten a huge demon – the weight’s off, finally i can love myself!
I love that my friend now thinks they’re worthy of love, but the reality is that they always have been. I don’t want to take away their happy feelings in the slightest, and believe me, I love compliments as much as the next person. And I love giving people compliments too, my mum brought me up to be this way! Whenever I see someone whose outfit I particularly like, or if they have great makeup/skin/whatever I usually tell them – even if they’re a complete stranger.
But the thing of it is…. the measure of a person’s worth does not lie in their looks. I’m sure we all know people who are really physically attractive (whatever that means to you) that are total douchenuggets. I know I do. And it’s good to remember that what society deems attractive this month has nothing to do with your worth as a living creature. As part of the size acceptance community, it’s important to discuss when someone talks in generalisations about weight. Or appearance in general, actually. Nobody has a right to speak to you about how good (or conversely how bad) being a certain size is. We are a diverse society in which there is no “right” way to be. You are who you are, and that is perfect.
How do you deal with these sorts of “compliments”, both to yourself and others? Am I over-analyzing again? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.