My lovely Fatabulousnesses,
(possible trigger warning FYI)
I want to tell you today about my Mom. My beautiful, plus size, strong, ass kicking and taking names Mom. You see, my Mom and I have similar body types we are the same shape, my Mom also “fought” weight her whole life sometimes getting as far as a size 8 sometimes being something on the larger size of 16 or who knows really I don’t count the numbers but the wisdom along the way.
My Mother is an incredible inspiration to me on several fronts. First, she was a terrific Mom to have for a girl who started gaining weight at 5; she never told me to go on a diet, she never told me how fat I was or in any way EVER made me feel ashamed about my body. Those long dark nights of my suffering where death seemed a better option than to live in a body that will not conform, will not give in, will not get smaller, times where I loathed myself so much I actually used to punch my fat… my Mom was there… loving me and supporting me the whole way. She was the one who took me to Lane Bryant at 13. Growing up there was no scale in the house.
She was the one heaping constant praise about my beauty and the one I knew I could rage in my sickness of loathing and know that she would somehow get it when all others did not. My mother has been a constant bastion of love, support, incredible strength and sometimes ass kicking when I needed it along the way, but not once in my whole life did she ever tell me to go on a diet to get skinnier not once did she ever make me feel bad about my body.
Life was so hard growing up; I was bullied mercilessly nowadays I am sure that how I was treated then if it happened now… interventions would have been sought for everyone. Mom didn’t care about my size she hugged every roll; she was truly the only island I had in the great battle for my life. And for that, I am forever grateful. I truly do not know how people who dealt with childhoods like mine could have had the “extra bonus” of parents who were fat phobes.
In in my adult life my Mother continues to be an inspiration. She is the living embodiment of who I am hoping to be along the way. Without benefit of fat acceptance, the blogosphere or friends like you which bolster me; she quietly “gave up” the pot of skinniness at the end of the dieting rainbow. She stopped trying to diet. She took on the great and rewarding pleasure of loving herself. My mom, as a size 16, loves herself more, thinks she is damn hot, and accepts herself in a way none of her single digit friends have. Plus she is healthier. She has totally and on her own taken on the HAES lifestyle. She does water aerobics, she works out, she rides her bike; the last time I saw her and she stretched I was like, “Damn, Mom! Look at those guns on your arms!” and they looked so good to me I invested in some weights cause I want some guns of my own
I was talking to her the other day and she told me about the one time in her life that she managed to get to a size 8 in her 20s, she said, “You know I had men hitting on me all the time, but I didn’t feel right as a size 8, it wasn’t me. I was never happy.” Damn right, Mom.
May we all grow into ourselves with as much grace and acceptance and self love.