I feel like I’m at a bit of a stage of limbo in my fat acceptance journey at the moment.
On the one hand, most of the time I am able to look at myself in the mirror, with or without clothes, and think ‘Hot damn woman! You are one sexy thing!’ I understand and totally agree that no-one has the right to police my body, or judge it, or ask me to change it. I think I’m almost to the point where I can accept that, for better or for worse, this is my body and I can accept it and love it without shame.
But on the other hand, I still have this lingering, nagging feeling that I should be trying to lose weight. So that I can easily fit into the seat on the aeroplane. Or so that I don’t have to worry about my doctor blaming all of my health issues on my weight. Or so that I am just not freaking judged every day of my damn life.
I was thinking about all of this before I watched this wonderful video by Margitte of Riots not Diets featuring Jessica from Tangled Up in Lace and Keena of Buttah Love. If you haven’t watched it I highly recommend it, although be warned that it does talk some about dieting and body shaming.
The truth is, we face such a barrage of negativity from the world every day, that it is no wonder that I’m in limbo. It’s like when you go into rough surf at the beach and you keep trying to make your way forward past the break, but the waves keep pushing you back, so you end up staying in the same place. That’s where I feel I’m at right now.
In the FA community weight loss is such a taboo subject. If you talk about wanting to lose weight you are publicly lambasted and shamed. Whilst I understand the reason for ‘diet’ being a dirty word, the simple fact is that every day we are confronted with messages telling us that are bodies are not good enough and that we need to lose weight. As Keena points out in the video, people are actively looking at our bodies and judging whether or not we will fit into aeroplane seats. Every time I go into a restaurant, particularly a fast food place, I feel the judgemental stares of people thinking ‘eat a salad fatty’.
So it’s hard to be in this place right now. Believing and understanding that it is okay for me to accept and love my body exactly how it is, but feeling this external pressure to fit in. So I’m drifting in limbo, waiting for the wave that knocks me back, or the surge of energy that will compel me forward. I’ll let you know where I end up.