Nick

The struggle of being fat and sick (even if they aren’t related things)

Please be advised that this post may be triggering for some readers. It contains weight loss talk, talk of weight loss surgery, and talk about medical conditions and their relationship with obesity.

Earlier this year I was diagnosed with diabeties. The Type II kind. The one that the wider community assumes that all obese people will end up getting. Well, I got it and I have had a hard time trying to deal with that over the last 9 months or so. At the same time I was diagnosed with a condition where my testosterone levels are very low. I have no energy or drive to do things, I struggle to concentrate for long periods of time and I quite often just feel like shit.

I’ve recently started to notice that I feel quite disconnected from my body these days. It’s something that is there and I can feel that it is physically there, but I feel almost separated from it. I don’t feel like I have any control over it. It’s just there and a lot of the time it just gets in the way or doesn’t to the things I want it to do.

I’ve seen a specialist about my condition and their response was that the only viable solution was for me to lose weight. Apparently my condition is brought on by being obese and if I wasn’t so obese then I wouldn’t have the condition. Wow, so simple. They also strongly recommended that I have a Lap Band installed so that I could get the weight off and start to feel better, and that with my failed history of dieting and weight loss attempts that this was my only viable solution. I was gobbsmacked.

I’ve read a fair bit about Lap Bands over the few years that I’ve been apart of the Fat Aceptance movement and the last thing I wanted was one of those. I was angry that this is all I was being offered as a form of treatment. If I didn’t go down this path I would have to deal with my illness myself and that just didn’t seem right.

A couple of months have passed since then and I’m starting to feel desparate. My body feels like it is failing more and more. I have less and less energy to get up and do things. I’m almost completely disinterested in life and there are days where I would just like to switch off and come back in a couple of days or weeks when I feel a little bit better.

Nagging on my mind all this time were the words of this specialist. I must lose weight. i must get a Lap Band. But yet I know that studies show that weight loss diets and ineffective, and that there are many complications with Lap Band surgery that makes it almost not worth the risk. And yet it digs at me.

It digs at me to the point that I have now regressed so far in my thoughts of my body. I feel like it’s my fault that I’m sick and that if I just stopped eating so much and exercised more I would lose some weight and feel better. Wow. That’s so far from the FA mantra that I’ve adopted over the last few years that I feel ashamed to even write it. And yet it is how I feel right now thanks to the good work of that specialist and my brain running over all of this.

I can understand how deseparation could lead someone to get a Lap Band. This morning I almost convinced myself that it was the only way that I was ever going to feel better. I’ve managed to get myself out of that mindset at the moment but I’m sure it will be back. And I’ll have to fight it off again.

If I had some idea of what I could do to fix myself in a way that was nourishing for my body, then I would happily take it. I probably need some sort of eating therapy. I’m convinced that I have disordered eating and no amount of dieting or surgery will fix that. But that kind of thing just isn’t there in mainstream medicine.

So for now I struggle with this mental gap between where my brain is and where my body is. I feel like I’m betraying the Fat Acceptance movement by even writing this post and talking about my struggle. I think it’s important that we all recognise that it is hard to deal with this sort of stuff even if you have been fighting for fat acceptance for years.

Somehow I have to find a solution to my health problem. I don’t know what that is going to be yet. It may be that I get so desparate that I get a Lap Band. I don’t know right now. All I know right now is that I wish there were answers and I wish there were more answers than just “lose weight”.

‘Cause it’s not like I was successful al that over the last 31 years. How the heck would I be able to start now?

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  • http://twitter.com/cutselvage Zoe

    Oh Nick, I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with this. Every day I’m grateful that I got lucky in the genetic lottery and have generally have quite good health. It’s so important to be honest, because everyone in the body acceptance movement struggles, especially when you have health conditions that are considered to be caused by ‘excess weight’ (PCOS, Type II, etc).

    It’s not going to be easy, whatever road you take. A lapband could potentially fail and make your long-term health outcomes even worse. The risk of surgery is something to consider as well. Financially, is a lapband viable? Is it covered by Medicare? Money spent on the surgery might be better spent trying to find a dietician who won’t shame you but help you with your disordered eating issues.

    I don’t think a lapband is the right option for you, but I’ll support you in whatever decision you make.

  • http://www.befabulousdaily.us Cynthia

    Every time I get a doctor telling me to lose weight and it will make something probably unrelated go away, I’m going to hand them a printout of this article:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/27/health/biological-changes-thwart-weight-loss-efforts-study-finds.html?_r=2

    And then fire them if they do it again.

    I don’t know if that’s helpful, but I read that article and was gobsmacked as you say. I got my weight down to a nice “normal BMI” low in 2009 and then regained. Well, obviously, because calorie restriction apparently messes over your metabolism for a long time. So any doctor that tells me to do calorie restriction, I’d wonder if they were really working in my best interest.

  • Karen

    weren’t you given a prescription for testosterone? Not sure it would solve everything but might improve your energy and mood.

  • Fat Girl

    I have been where you are emotionally and empathize with how you feel about being disconnected from your body and out of control. I also have felt the extreme frustration of people telling me to “lose weight” as if that were an answer. The overly simplistic mentality (“move more, eat less”) has been a long-running source of frustration for me. People who can’t tell you how you go psychologically from being incapable of the changes necessary to change your relationship with food to being capable of them have nothing of value to tell you. 

    When you say that you need some sort of eating therapy, you have the beginning of the answer. I am convinced that most people with food relationship issues (of any sort, leading to high or low weights) have deep and complex issues with food, self-esteem, and how they handle stress. Dealing with them is not a fast fix, and most people deny that they are anything other than “food loving” or lacking in “willpower” (a term I categorically reject and see as useless) because they can’t accept that they have a mental health problem. The bottom line is that “dieting”, difficult as it is, is actually easier than working with the psychological aspects of eating disorders. Dieting does, however, replace one type of disordered relationship with food with another. It is not an answer. 

    I’ve been dealing with my issues and relationship with food for about 2.25 years now and have made significant progress. My technique has involved self-therapy and analysis, but I don’t think most people can do what I have done for a variety of reasons (none of which are related to me being better than anybody else, but are rather circumstantial). A fair amount of behavior modification is necessary, and most people need more external guidance than I have required. My problems definitely are not over, but it’s something I feel has progressed well for me. A big part of it is understanding that denial is not the answer (which is what dieting is all about), conceptualizing that food is pretty much like money in that using too much or too little has a destructive effect, and understanding that moderation is LEARNED behavior, not a reflection of character or intelligence. Also, quite frankly, and I know this is hard for people who are strongly involved in fat acceptance to internalize, you have to accept that health is not possible at literally every size for every person. Each body has different tolerances for everything (not only weight). You are an individual with a unique biochemistry that needs to be worked with in the optimal fashion for you personally.

    It’s a cliche to say this, but you can make the changes you are desperate to make. However, you have to start with the mind, not the body. I recommend cognitive behavioral therapy, but you may need to search long and hard for a therapist who suits you and can give you the help you need. Just focus on changing by inches rather than miles. Think of it as learning to crawl before learning to walk or learning to run, and be patient with yourself. 

  • http://unpackingbooksfromboxes.wordpress.com/ Ellen

    I don’t think it’s against the fat acceptance movement to become
    healthy. This isn’t about you losing weight because you feel pressure from
    people around you to stop being fat, it’s about your own feelings of
    health and wellbeing. You don’t have to measure that in terms of
    weightloss – you can start with nutrition, and trying to eat foods that make you feel good in the long run.

    I agree that restrictive diets rarely work, but have you considered
    trying to change your diet not in the sense that you’re “on a diet” but
    by learning about what your nutritional requirements are and what you
    can do to get them? So not calorie counting, not aiming for weight loss
    - just aiming for best health, and experimenting with foods and recipes
    you might not have tried before, trying to find a balance between
    carbs, protein, vitamins and fat. If your meals are already healthy but
    it’s snacking and desserts that are problematic, you can find healthier
    alternatives to things you indulge in – for instance, my vice is
    chocolate, so if I want to stop myself from going overboard I’ll buy
    fancy dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate, and I’ll tend to eat
    less while still satisfying the craving. Or if I want chips or
    something similarly fried, I’ll make popcorn from scratch with a little
    oil and salt. You can still indulge on occasion of course, you just
    turn bad habits into better ones most of the time. It also helps to
    keep only healthy food and craving-substitute food (like popcorn seeds)
    in the house so you won’t be so tempted.

    I’m not a big fan of exercise but riding my bike to work is fun, easy
    and saves me so much money. And I never thought I’d go to a gym but my
    housemate introduced me to a weekly boxfit class that I love. A class
    like that might help your testosterone.

    I don’t know what your habits are now so sorry if I’m off the mark, or
    if I sound preachy, or if you’ve heard this all before. This is just
    what works for me, and I thought it would help.

    Again – improving your health isn’t a betrayal of fat acceptance. Just
    remember that it’s about feeling good on the inside, for your own sake.
    Any denial of that is what gives fat acceptance a bad name.

    All the best.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_RXW3KU5US4R5ONGVOPQYLG3X6M O.C.

    I’d question how doctors treated this condition before Lap bands?

  • Kirsten

    I don’t think I can say this with enoughfirm compassion:  DO NOT GET A LAP BAND.  IT IS NOT THE ANSWER. 

    I have one.  Had it “installed” in May 2008 at 133kgs on a 5’7″ frame, and it has done jack for me.  Oh initially, I lost weight.  I lost about 20kgs.  And then the weight loss stopped.  No worries, I told myself, it’s just a plateau and plateau’s are the body’s way of adjusting and the loss will pick up again. So I kept on doing what I’d been doing and waited.  And waited.  And waited. 

    And then something really weird started to happen:  while I was complying and doing what I’d previously been doing to lose weight, the numbers on the scale started to creep back up, one .1kg at a time, while my clothes got tighter.  And tighter.  And tighter.  Until I was back into my largest clothes.

    I am now hover about 2kgs either side of 120. 

    I have extreme difficulty eating most meats, especially chicken, regardless of how it is prepared or how thoroughly I chew it.  I can not eat at all bread of any kind, ever, as it just balls up and creates a blockage that is very painful and only alleviated by ‘bringing it up’.  Dairy products can be problematic–milk on its own has been known to not “go thru”.  The problem with things getting stuck or not going thru, is that the stomach and esophagus give off additional secretions to help it go thru, but that just makes matters worse, as it backs up in your throat and you very nearly are ‘projectile’ about it.  It positively disugusting. 

    Fruits with peel still on (apples, pears), or fruits with a lot of connective tissues (orange or grapefruit sections) are simply just a no go zone.  I don’t even bother.  I’m not much of a fruit girl anyway, but those were always 2 I liked.  Not any more. 

    Vegies must be cooked until they are the consistancy of babyfood, which in the case of broccoli or cabbage is not terribly palatable.  Salads can be difficult depending on how coarse they are.  They’re a 50/50 meal. 

    that really does not leave a lot of variety.  Going out to eat at restaraunts is a gamble and often a waste of both food and money, since 9 times out of 10 I am in the ladies room at least once during the meal.  That kind of ruins the experience.  don’t even think about eating anywhere if there is no place to relieve the inevitable stuck-age.  Doesn’t have to be a mens/ladies room per se, but you’d better make sure there is somewhere out of the way to get rid of it, otherwise you’re likely to wind up having to do it in your handbag or your lap! 

    There, of course, are ways to eat around it.  You learn which foods you don’t have many issues with.  After a while of not being able to enjoy a meal or a snack, coupled with a quite limited array of choices, means that you use the knowledge of what works for you and make the most of it.  As it happens with most bandits, the foods that don’t cause problems are usually the ones we are meant to stay away from–potato chips/crisps are a common one–for some reason they do not seem to ball up and get stuck–some people can get away with vast quantities of dairy/ice cream.  Everyone is different of course. 

    I now actively regret having this band implanted.  Not only did it not enable me to maintain my weight loss (depsite doing everything I was meant to do), it prevents me from enjoying a basic human activity, often puts a damper on social gatherings, and in short rendered me $18,000 poorer (every cent out of pocket).  I basically got the same result as I always had from all the weight loss programs I’d tried before–and believe me they were numerous!  Last but not least, as it somehow got out that I’d had the band put in, pretty much everyone that knows thinks it’s their God given right to comment on what, when, how, why, where I’m eating and voice their opinions that I should/shouldn’t, and scold and finger shake. 

    I desperately wish I’d never had it done.  I’m no better off, and in some ways worse.  I naturally subscribe to the POV that it’s each persons decision what they do and don’t do to and with their bodies, but I offer my own experience to be weighed (no pun intended) when working out what you want to do.  Prayers  with you as you work out what your personal best options are.  

     

  • Janene

    Mate, you need to find a new doctor. One that is prepared to treat your low testosterone levels with something other than bullshit about losing weight. A hormone problem like that is not only not likely to get magically better if you had expensive and dangerous surgery, but is also going to actively prevent you from being able to find the physical and emotional energy to even begin to deal with your problems. Testosterone can be supplemented and from the sound of it, should be being supplemented in your case.

    I’m not an expert,  but the disconnection from your body and the falling energy and motivation levels and the wish to just disappear and come back when you feel better that you describe really sounds to me like depression. Depression is not an uncommon reaction to the diagnosis of a chronic health condition and needs to be taken seriously.  My husband went through exactly the same thing when he was diagnosed with type II diabetes. You need to find a doctor who will listen to you and get treatment and support for that.

  • Kuoriv

    Natalie has been diabetic for years, hasn’t she? Perhaps she could help you if you walked the diabetic journey together. Eat the same food she eats, get tips from her on how to keep the levels right, etc. It might improve your health gradually, but it will immediatly make you feel less alone.

    The lovely couple behind PDA Nation have just released a blog on the Psychology Today website, about their experience as disabled lovers taking care of each other. They just have two entries so far, but it looks promising.

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cwd-couples-disabilities

  • Smartapple

    Hi there, just got there through the Notes from the Fatosphere feed.

    Just wanna say I got diagnosed 10 years ago with Type II and… it’s been a bumpy ride for me. Now I’m stabilised and at peace with a lot of things and my body is no longer an enemy – sometimes a grumpy friend, though.

    I was a binge eater and I had to get better with that, first, before I could tackle the condition properly.

    Everyone is different, but what has been a TREMENDOUS help, what really has made me get out of the funk, was to get doctors whose only answer to everything wasn’t “lose weight NOW!” People I felt were actually supportive of me and my struggles.

    You gotta be kind with yourself. Diabetes management seems like a LOT to process at first, but it’s doable. My own way of dealing has been to go with gradual changes. One small change at a time, following the guidelines and making them work for me.

    I was helped by a therapist for a while, too, and it was great.

    The question of the lapband is one you’ll need to find an answer to for yourself. That may take time. I didn’t get it, although I too was tempted.

    Finally, just wanted to say I have several family members with diabetes, and we all have one thing in common, it’s that it took us quite a while to really get going with the condition. According to the endocrinologist who works with me, this is perfectly normal.

    I wish you all the best with this.

  • Monapeluda

    The question you’ve raised is a really hard one, honestly. I don’t think it’s so simple as maybe people are putting it.

    I had a lap band put in about 7 years ago. At the time I had the operation I was completely and utterly desperate. I felt like I had no other choice to get a lap band, otherwise I would just continue to put on weight. The lap band helped me lose that 25kg relatively easily, and I’ve kept that weight off (I still weigh 120kg). I guess it’s a qualified success in some ways, given the stats on regain of weight after dieting. But I certainly never got my weight down lower. When I used the band the way it’s meant to be used (ie getting ‘fills’ to make the band tighter), I felt horrible – very similar to the commenter above. I had lots of upchucking, especially with what are known as healthy foods like wholegrain breads without butter and salads. Social situations were really hard: if I were talking a lot and not focusing on chewing my food a million times I would almost always end up in the bathroom chucking up my meal.

    I ended up having a lot heartburn and a slight slippage of my stomach, so they took all the saline out of the band, making it as loose as it can get. Things settled down a lot after that. I basically eat pretty normally now. I can’t eat too quickly, but not in an abnormal way. I can eat salads and normally cooked vegies. I can go out to dinner and I don’t have to excuse myself to the bathroom every few minutes. So most of the time I don’t even feel like I have a lapband.

    So I’ve reached an equilibrium about having the lapband really. I don’t hate it, I don’t love it. I kind of wish I hadn’t of gotten it, but at the same time, I don’t really regret it. I’m a little scared to think of what might have happened to me if I hadn’t of got it. I didn’t have any obesity related illnesses at the time, but I had severe depression and suicidal thoughts. My life now is so much better than it was before the lapband. That’s not because I lost weight because obviously I’m still pretty fat, and in any case, fat was never really my problem. It just gave me the space I needed to get over my mental issues, which were the real problem. Before my lapband I just felt completely out of control and like nothing else could happen except to just get bigger and bigger, more lonely and more depressed. So I think if I got to make that choice again, I might go for the lapband again, even knowing all the suckiness.

    I don’t really know what in the end I’m trying to tell you. I’m certainly not saying – lap bands hurrah!  I just recognised the feeling you expressed in your post – that you feel out of touch and out of control in relation to your body. I agree that getting therapy for disordered eating is important. But if you need to lose weight in order to feel better and to be happier – then you should do that. And if a lapband ends up feeling like your only option in order to achieve that, than it’s ok to get a lapband. (As long as you go into it knowing that there’s going to be a lot about it that sucks. You just need to weigh up for yourself whether the suckiness of the lapband is less than the suckiness of suffering the way you are suffering now). You don’t have to apologise or feel guilty for that.

  • Loniemc

    Doctors have a habit of giving a fat person a diet instead of a solution, when perfectly good solutions exist. Losing weight seldom works to solve a problem. And it’s so hard to fight those attitudes when we already feel bad. Improvements in diet and exercise may be the solution (awfully hard to handle when you feel bad), with weight loss as a side effect, but just getting the weight off seldom actually improves anything. Type II diabetes can often be controlled by diet and exercise, whether or not you lose the weight.

    I have learned that I must do my own research. Have you searched the web for alternatives? If Western medicine won’t work, what about Eastern or alternative medicine? I have found that acupuncture, herbs, massage, etc. can sometimes solve problems Western medicine says are unsolvable. Acupuncture is especially good at improving energy levels.

    Never, ever, ever believe a doctor who says that weight loss is the only solution. I have yet to find a condition that is true for, and I study medical rhetoric for a living.

  • http://twitter.com/Notblueatall Notblueatall

    I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling, Nick. Is there a way you could see a second or third specialist on the matter? There must be a better way. Have you considered Eastern Medicine? I don’t know what they might recommend, but when I was in acupuncture I wasn’t shamed or even talked to about my weight once, and I always left feeling better. I don’t think you’re betraying FA or anyone or anything. Talking about your struggle is exactly what Fat Acceptance is here and why it’s so vital for us all. We need that support. We need to hear others stories. We need to share in this human experience so we all don’t feel like isolated freaks. Isn’t that what the medical industry wants anyway? I know it’s hard, but you’ll find a way. I wish I could give you a big fatty hug right now, but I’m on the wrong continent for that. Just know that my heart goes out to you and happy thoughts have been sent out into the universe on your behalf. I appreciate your honesty, always.

  • http://zaftigknitting.com ZaftigWendy

    I’m another type 2 Diabetic Fatty and I have hormone problems.  It’s hard to be strong when the doctors only see your weight, but I have to say that the best advice I ever got came from the DancesWithFat blog (http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/): Ask the doctor, any doctor, if a thin person came to you with this same problem, how would you treat it.  And then INSIST that they give you the same treatment.  My guess is that if a thin man presented with type 2 diabetes and low testosterone, they would prescribe diabetes meds and testosterone pills, along with education in nutrition for diabetics, focusing on eating foods low in the glycemic index and using your own gluco-meter to see how YOU respond to different foods so that you can teach yourself what to eat and how & how much to exercise.

    I have also gotten a lot of help by reading The Fat Nutritionist (http://www.fatnutritionist.com/), and Linda Bacon’s work, especially this article in Diabetes Self-Management Magazine: http://www.diabetesselfmanagement.com/Articles/Nutrition-And-Meal-Planning/intuitive-eating/

    Other helpful resources for me are: http://www.radiancemagazine.com/issues/1995/diabetes.html and http://www.phlaunt.com/diabetes/14046739.php

    I hope that helps.  I will tell you that since I started following the intuitive eating for diabetics and testing after meals, I have brought my a1c down to 5.5.  Not everyone will get that low, but I firmly believe that I’m going about it the right way.

    (Oh, and get the Testosterone pills.  I have to take hormone pills daily to feel normal, and that’s okay)

  • Fatfairy

    Your specialist is incompetent. Telling a patient with type 2 diabetes and a severe endocrine problem to lose weight and not discuss medication and other treatments is incompetence and possibly malpractice. Report her/him to the state medical board and find another doctor. 
    You sound like you might be depressed, and like you’re under more stress than you can handle. Counseling might help.
    Seriously, get a second opinion, and ask about oral diabetes medication, testosterone shots (pills?) ,talking to a dietitian. 
    Also, high blood sugar can cause fatigue, and can affect thinking. The first thing to do may be getting the diabetes and endocrine problem treated, and you may feel better mentally and physically when that’s done.
    Best wishes.  

  • katie

    I understand your frustration at the medical profession. I have had many dealings with doctors and specialists in regards to my health, I suffer from Hashimoto’s hypothyroidism, and although it causes obesity/being overweight the doctors always suggest that losing weight would help my overall health. Even though medically I am unable to lose weight without starving or exercising for 3 hours a day. Don’t they understand that we understand the fact that being heavy can attribute to bad health but so can smoking, drinking and drugs and other lifestyle/personal factors. I am empathetic to your situation in it’s entirety, including the desperation.

    A year ago I was considering a lap band surgery. I got to my heaviest. I felt not only ashamed of my body but desperate for anything that could change it. I went on every (yes I’m going to say it) diet, atkins, carb free, no fat, no sugar no fat, vegan/gluten free (i am already a vegetarian for ethical reasons) and tried starvation intermittedly. I exercised at a gym and at home. I started shakes. Fatblaster diet suppressants. Even prescription only meds that gave me more trouble (though I did lose 15kgs, I put 9kg back on). I googled fat camps/retreats in the USA where they restrict your meals for 3 months and you exercise like a mad man. Yet nothing worked.

    Then I realised, I’m fat. I’m probably always going to be somewhere on the sliding scale that is fat. Either slightly overweight or morbidly obese. It’s not nice, especially when it makes you feel bad. But it’s the truth and I have started to honestly try to live my life healthily, eating right and exercising, but not denying myself. You have to make small changes, that you can live with. And I hope for your sake you don’t need the lap band, I have heard and seen many horror stories about it. I hope that you are able to improve your health, and feel better in yourself.  

  • Mulberry

    I’m in agreement with Fatfairy here.
    Even if low testosterone is caused by obesity, why in hell do they have to try the most drastic solution (if it even is a solution) first? Look, if you get some pills and things don’t improve, you could always stop taking them. But if you get a lapband and that doesn’t work, it’s a real pain in the ass (and elsewhere) to undo. These days, there are pills for diabetes, and pills to raise testosterone levels.   If you can find a doctor to start you on this kind of treatment, odds are you’ll feel better, and when you feel better, you’ll be in a more fit mood to decide what to explore next.   For the record, I’m not a believer in alternative medicine, even though I know some people swear by it. 
       

  • EJ

    I was diagnosed with high testosterone (as a woman) when I wasn’t particularly fat, and I was given pills to manage it.  No mention was made of weight.  I don’t see why pills wouldn’t be an option for the reverse condition in a man.  I agree with everyone who has said that you should get additional opinions—as many opinions as it takes to get an answer that is not “lose weight”.  It’s hard to hear that from doctors and not start to feel insane, but it’s SOCIETY that is insane right now, and doctors are part of the society (You know how doctors used to use leeches to drain blood from people to get diseases out?  That only made it worse, but people didn’t know that back then).  When seeing a new doctor, it might help to be up-front about yourself and your history with food.  I would even say “I’m not interested in hearing about weight loss, since it is not a healthy or attainable option for me.  What are my other options?”, and then leave if they have none.  Remember that the doctor works for you, and if they are not interested in being sensitive to your precise history, then they are not the doctor for you.

  • http://mrschupchake.wordpress.com/ Mrs. Chupchake

    Nick, I am sorry that you are not feeling well now. Don’t think you are betraying FA by asking questions for your optimal health. I think the path of disordered eating is a good one to explore. Best wishes to you as you navigate life with this new bump.

  • Kitadiva2

    Actually I think your health concerns may be answered by Health at every size.  It recommends eating more veggies, exercising a bit and listening to your body,  listening to your body about your food needs etc. aka as intuitive eating.  The book I read is by Linda Bacon and is very good.

    I too am a diabetic.  For the last 4-5 yrs depression has been a constant companion.  No one talks about how that depression makes your diabetes worse, and I am very surprised that no one immediately puts a person in counseling who gets this disease.  I wish someone did that for me when I first was informed I had the disease 7 yrs ago.  I am now taking insulin to keep my sugar spikes under control.  I considered lap-band, but then decided I would do what I could to get it under control and avoid the knife.  The changes I will need to make to make lap band successful will actually be the same as the ones I am making now.  I will have to exercise 3-5 times a week and watch what I eat esp. carbs.  Fructose is not my friend nor are some so called healthy things such as agave sugar which pushes your sugar levels up and keep them there!  The rules to make lapband work successfully sounds much like HAES sans the knife part.   Yesterday I attended a low impact circuit gym called Curves and  I will really enjoyed it.  Look for something you enjoy doing around positive people attempting to reach the same goal.   

    I am concerend because you sound like you are in a whirlwind of depression.  Don’t delay, get some counseling and talk it out and read up on HAES.  Also, look into getting testosterone and see if it helps your mood.  In addition, accepting that you are fat and being concerned about your health are two distinctly different things.  You are concerned about your health so you are considering your options.  Anyone who suggests to you that being concerned about your health cancels out you being ok with your body being its size is ridiculous.  You want to get healthy so you can enjoy your life as fully as you can.  Please note that I said healthy, not THIN!  So get up and take your power back from this disease – go to get some testosterone pills etc., go get counseling, figure out whether you will do HAES or not, become a bit more active and continue to LIVE the life you want. 

  • http://fatheffalump.wordpress.com/ Fat Heffalump

    Fellow fatty T2 diabetic here.  My suggestion is to, if you can, get a new doctor.  A good one who treats you as a person, not as “the obese”.  Sounds to me like the lazy person in this equation is the doctor who is prescribing weight loss.  “Go away and lose weight” is not treating you.  It’s flick passing you to become someone else’s problem – either your own or the bariatric surgeon or any other weight loss peddler.

    I can give you the name of a good GP in Brisbane if you want it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kolayaspealman Heather Ⓥ Kolaya-Spealman

    makes it *almost* not worth the risk? It’s *definitely* not worth the risk. Even if you survived and it made you lose weight without any horrible side effects, it won’t cure your diabetes. There is no cure. Find yourself a new specialist- won’t that won’t treat this illness as weight related (there’s a part in chapter 8- i believe- of health at every size that talks about diabetes and fat.. maybe re read it to help comfort yourself a bit). 

    I’m also wondering if your docs have put you on any meds for these two illnesses? 

    I don’t have diabetes, but I do know how it feels to feel betrayed by your body. Like these things are happening to you without your permission or your control and to feel dissociated and disconnected. I have several chronic diseases that make me feel ready to just give up- and yes, I know the feeling of desperation. I’m glad you have the FA community to turn to for help and understanding. 

  • Fivehundredpoundpeep

    I am glad you have been allowed to talk about health problems related to being fat on this website. I have multitudes, but also health problems that actually the fat is a SYMPTON of, having had a massive weight gain-hypo-thyroid and other endocrine problems and severe PCOS. I weight @500lbs:disqus http://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/I know what health problems and weight do. Hey don’t do the lap band, every weight loss surgery I know of failed especially in the over 5 year long term. I have digestive problems now-IBS, maybe something worse that even bring vomiting on if I eat something I am allergic to, so I have avoided any surgeries that have included rearrangement of the digestive organs. When your digestive system is gone, quality of life ceases, thankfully my condition is not every day. 

  • Mannadottir

    NIck, I feel your pain. It sucks being sick and  it sucks that he medical profession is  using outdated science on food and what we should eat to advise you.  I think you have it in one:  you have disordered eating and it is  contributing to or causing your diabetes and your low T.  You see, when we eat  a “healthy diet”  as  described by docs or the USDA, we are actually causing high blood sugar and  high blood levels of  insulin, ,making our fat cells insulin resistant and causing strain on our tissues and cells. 

    Watch the Documentary “Fathead” then take a look on line.  I  am a woman who suffers with binge eating and food related disorder.  This  documentary literally changed my life and helped me fix my  hormone conditions (diabetes is hormonal- insulin is a hormone. My problems were related to thyroid and PCOS). Its not about fat. Its about  what we are told to eat and how very very wrong and bad for us it is.  I wish you the best of luck figuring things out. 

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