There is this Italian restaurant here in Perth that serves the most delicious authentic Italian cuisine imaginable. The place itself is small and cosy, and the staff are loud and friendly. It’s one of those places that is always full; so full, in fact, that you can’t even make reservations and instead have to wait in line outside. My partner adores their Cannelloni and I am in love with their Tortellini Carbonara. And yes, I always try to force a Tiramisu in as well and every single time, I am defeated and left with more than half of a plate left.
And even though I could eat their delicious food every day of the week, I started choosing other not-so-great restaurants over this amazing place because every time I go there and line up outside, I look into this amazing little restaurant and am confronted by the reality that I am wider than the spaces between the chairs and tables.
When I saw a couple way in the corner finish their meal and get up to make a beeline to the cashier, I was left with a feeling of dread because I was going to have to attempt to squeeze my way between chairs to get to that table; that stupid fucking table that looked like it was a mile away from where I stood.
I hated it most when I had to actually ask the diners to get out of their seat to let me through. There have been occasions where more than a few people have had to stand up and push their seats forward just so I can squeeze past and be seated at my table.
I hated that. I hated being a disruption. I hated disturbing people while they ate. I hated feeling like an actual elephant in the room. And I really really hated how all I ended up thinking about during dinner was how I was going to have to disturb more people when it was time to leave.
Most of these feelings were put to rest when I became part of the FA community. My whole outlook on the situation has changed now. When I have to squeeze my big fat arse between two chairs and apologise for having to ask the diners to move in a little, I realise now that people don’t actually care; their night has not been ruined by the fat girl who needs to get past, and my night is not ruined by those horrible feelings of embarrassment anymore.
I write this entry not to bitch about how unfortunate it is to be fat. On the contrary, I’m loving who and what I am, and I love my body now more than ever. But there definitely are things we fat people have to think about that the thinner population don’t, and that’s what I want to read about from you, the readers of this amazing blog.
What can you think of that is similar to this situation? Do you worry about going on a scuba diving tour and not being able to fit into a wetsuit? Do you worry about going to theme parks and not being able to go on certain rides? What do you do to overcome these feelings of embarrassment or exclusion? Through our collective experiences, perhaps we can help each other in dealing with these negative ideas by replacing them with healthier and more positive ways of thinking.