It has been awhile, but I'm finally back!  Actually, I have not really been away - just insanely busy at work and busy socially and, well, a wee bit lazy.  OMG FAT STEREOTYPE.

Anyway!  My wonderful parents asked me earlier in the year what I'd like for Christmas, and I replied, "A sewing machine!"

I have fond memories of being poked and prodded with pins and measuring tapes for most my childhood.  My mother is an excellent seamstress, and the bulk of my clothes except for my socks, school uniforms, and some special occasion gear, were made for me until I was about eight or so.  My mother made my senior formal outfit (that's prom, for the non-Australians), medieval costumes when I was at university, the works.

Now, I wanted to be able to alter my own clothes, and begin making my own too.  First I learned how to do the basics - thread the machine, fill a bobbin, and sew straight and zigzag stitches.  Although I've never sewn before, I've spent years around my mother and her machine, so it wasn't too hard.  So I asked my mum to help me make a breezy summer top.  This is what we did:

Made a rough mock-up using one of my tank-tops and an old bedsheet, fitted the mock up, made a pattern out of newspaper, and cut the pieces - one centre back and two centre front pieces. After putting those together at the shoulder seam and sewing the darts, we decided that it needed facings, so cut out armhole and neckline facings, ironed on interfacing paper and added that. Then mum got the bright idea that we should understitch the facings.

It pulls a little oddly on the left shoulder, but given that we drafted the pattern mostly from scratch, I wasn't expecting a perfect fit.  I'm slip-stitching all the facings down at the moment (neck done, one and a half armholes to go!), but other than that it's finished

Apologies for the cruddy webcam headless fatty shots, but my camera was not playing nice this evening with the self-timer for some reason.  Also it is wrinkled, because I had it crushed in my lap while I sewed the facings down and watched The West Wing (which is an awesome show for sewing to, by the by).

I feel inordinately proud myself, and really inspired!  However, it's clear that I need a lot more general sewing experience before I get to the stage that I want to be, which is to be able to draft my own patterns from scratch.  Going by measurements, I am right at the top of the plus-size spectrum in commercial patterns, and I want to have the skill to make what I want, when I want it!

I got rather excited when I saw these two patterns from Simplicity, as I can fit (just) the 28W, and I absolutely adore 1940s vintage stylin'!  I was disappointed to discover that these seemed to be limited to the US as well, though!  Isn't that just awesome - not only is the range of ready-to-wear clothing in Australia shitty, but patterns are equally difficult to find. :/  I'm in love with some of the Burda patterns I've found too, but of course their online store doesn't ship to Australia.  I know Burda is commercially available here; I just hope there's a similarly awesome plus pattern availability.

There's a happy ending though - I found both Simplicity patterns on eBay from a seller who ships worldwide, AND it was cheaper!  I can't wait to try them out, though I'll probably start with the skirt, as it looks the least difficult.  My goal is to channel Katharine Hepburn and make a fabulous pair of high-waisted, wide-legged pants.  First step is to buy some calico or muslin, as I'm far from proportionate, so there'll be adjustments, no doubt.

So tell me!  Do you sew?  What are some of your favourite patterns, tips and tricks?  What do you find most difficult when adjusting for fatness?

(BONUS PHOTO:  I had my hair dyed blonde at the beginning of December.  EXCITING!  I won't apologise for this being a webcam shot, it's from my dailybooth stream)

Possibly triggering - some diet/weight-loss talk.

I don't own scales.

I haven't done so for a long time now.  There were a pair in the laundry in the house I lived in in Japan, but they didn't work properly.  In my current house, there are some in the downstairs bathroom, but I live upstairs.

So I haven't weighed myself, in, oh, at least six months.  Because it triggers me.  I slip back into self-loathing, disordered eating thoughts.

Last night I was at a friends house drinking cheap wine and watching silly movies.  I went to the bathroom, and there's a pair of scales.

And I stupidly weighed myself.  I've gained approximately ten kilos since leaving Japan.  And straightaway my mind went to "If you just go on that shake diet again, you'll drop ten kilos in two months!  Then you'll be back to normal!"  And somehow that thought seemed okay, because if I lost ten kilos, I'd still be deathfat.

Not gonna lie, the temptation was overwhelming.

I'm still learning how to be a size acceptance activist, and it's constant struggle to fight against those ingrained thought patterns.  Even as I type this, there's a little voice in the back of my mind reminding how easy it was diet when I last worked in an office.  And there's an underlying fear that no matter how much I do or don't diet, I'm just going to keep gaining weight.

I know, objectively, that diets don't work.  I went on my first diet at 79 kilograms just on ten years ago, and I now weigh 114 kilos.  Throughout that time, I've dieted, restricted, binged, and purged.

It doesn't work.  I know this.

Every day is a struggle.  So every day I read Notes From The Fatosphere, every day I read Fatshionista, and every day I try and surrond myself with people who love me for who I am, and who are as passionate about acceptance as I am.

Being a fat acceptance blogger doesn't mean you won't feel down sometimes. It doesn't mean you will come across things that make you question what you believe. It doesn't mean you can brush off all the hurtful words as ignorance. But that's OK.

So over the last few weeks I've been feeling a bit anxious here and there when a few medical symptoms have come on. Also during the last few weeks, I've been really into myself about being fat yet again. I've equated fat as being bad and that to be healthy I need to not be fat. That doesn't sound very fat accepting, and it isn't. However I went there and I'm happy to admit to my flaws.

I'm fairly new to the fat acceptance concept compared to some of the other bloggers on AoF (like my wife) and so I still sometimes struggle with the idea. I still have thoughts of "well it's not healthy to be fat, that's why I'm sick" or "I feel so tired - if only I wasn't so fat!" What is important to remember is that even the best of us at some stage can go back to old, more familiar habits without realising it.

When I think more clearly, the issue is clearly a health one. If I exercised more, I would be healthier. If I ate better (fresher foods; foods that don't upset my reflux; smaller portions which is also important for reflux) then I would be healthier too. Doing these things would help me to be healthy.

"So?", you say. That's a weight loss program.

Yes, it is. But what if I lost no weight? You can eat the perfect diet, and do the perfect amount of exercise and still be fat and healthy. What's so wrong with that? If I have a general level of fitness and a generally good, nutritious diet, then so what?

Weight loss isn't the goal. Healthiness is the goal. If I aim for health and achieve it, it doesn't matter if I'm fat or not. What matters is that you accept me no matter what shape I am, or what level of health I have.

To me, that's fat acceptance as I understand it.

Disagree? Talk to me.

I've been a member of Red Bubble since 2008, creating art and selling it as prints. I'm an illustrator (primarily) and like to use lots of different body shapes in my art but back when I was at university studying visual art I noticed that I enjoyed life drawing sessions with larger models. Somehow, it feels much more natural for my hand to follow my eye when the lines are loose and flowing! I thought I'd show you a few of the artists on Red Bubble who are inspired by the fat form.

Urban Attitude by TokyoCandies

Play Nice by Paul Vanzella

SoulMistress by Paul Vanzella

Venus by Barbara Glatzeder

The Fairy of Cakes by Samuel Durkin

The Dolly Dimples Diet by Natalie Perkins
(Woops, did I get a little self-promotion on this post?!)

I was hoping to support artisans on madeit.com.au by featuring plus sized garments and other crafts, however a search yielded nothing. Nada! I'm hoping this is just a failing of the search engine on the site... can you point me in the direction of Australian artisans and makers of plus size items? I started with madeit.com.au because it's Australian, and this blog is primarily concerned with an Australian take on fatness, but if you've got Australian Etsy links I'd love to see them!

Tell me about your favourite art with fat people in it!

Seriously, that is the title of the op-ed piece that's been spewed across the front page Australia's biggest news website, news.com.au, and printed in the Herald Sun.

Now, I'm kind of pissed off, so this blog isn't going to be all tra-la-la citing studies and the like.

It's a visceral fucking reaction to the idea that fat people are empowered. Um, NO. In fact, I would go so far as to say EPIC NAH. Because we aren't empowered. We're fucking marginalised.

Let's dig a little deeper, shall we?

First, some standard skinny-bashing:

Indeed, this month's Fashion Week In Melbourne abandoned the usual stick insects for some models who were size 14-18

 

Can't have thin women feeling good about themselves, nope.

Let's be honest.

 

Oh, this ought to be good.

While these women might make us feel better about our bulging butts and guts, the truth is, few women over a size 14 are in a healthy weight range.

So feeling good about yourself is unhealthy? I'm just going to time out for a second here, and point out that your mental health is so important, and so often pushed aside in favour of the more visible physical health. Healthy self-esteem is incredibly good for you.

As for the horseshit about being over a size 14 and OMG OBESE, I shall direct you to Kate Harding's BMI Project. See what underweight, normal, overweight and obese really look like. It might surprise you.

Most of the women on catwalks are freaks of nature and it is only right that the pendulum is swinging towards more achievable bodies.

So if you're skinny, you're a freak, but if you're a size 14, you're OMGOBESE?! Narrow standards of beauty indeed.

But there is a limit. I know it's not fashionable to say this, but some of the women being embraced as positive role models and ambassadors for larger people are obese and should lose weight for health reasons.

 

Oh heehee, I know it's not PC! UR SO EDGY BB.

Except, you're not, because you're espousing a view that is the norm. THE NORM.

And of course, it's not because people are ew yuck gross fat. It's just for their health. Of course. Because by looking at someone you totally can guess every aspect of all their health issues. Great! No more going to the doctor – just email them a photograph and they can diagnose you like that?

Also, hey, Susie O'Brien? You're not an MD. SO SHUT UP. (Come on, if she was an MD, she'd have mentioned it. Just sayin').

Okay I need to point something out here:

 

And, reflecting the expanding girth of many Australians, more and more retailers, such as Myer, Sportsgirl and even Ed Hardy, are jumping on the bandwagon, and offering larger sizes.

Sportsgirl goes to a SIZE SIXTEEN. That's one size above the national average, and is considered a missy size. And last time I was in a Sportsgirl (admittedly a long time ago, because it's overpriced Supre-esque cack, in my humble opinion), the size sixteens are not generous. At all.

 

Yes, larger teens deserve to be able to wear fashionable clothes, like everyone else. But the discourse of self-empowerment surrounding the move is stopping us asking why so many young people are size 16 or more in the first place.

No, it's not. Fat teens can wear fat clothes while you pontificate about losing weight. It's not an either/or situation, people.

And this is nearly making me cry: a discourse of self-empowerment.

Why, why, why do people want others to feel bad about themselves? How is it productive? How is it helpful? Whether it's being fat, skinny, or any other trope, why is being different so offensive?

Sure, such moves reflect the reality of a rapidly growing population, but they also serve to normalise a size that is not healthy for most young people.

 

And back to the diagnosing entire swathes of people based on how they look.

Ooh, cognitive dissonance time:

 

In recent weeks the debate has been spurred on by the larger thighs and flabby tummy of 20-year-old model Lizzie Miller in Glamour magazine in the US.

Readers in the millions embraced the image of the gorgeous, naked young woman letting it all hang out for the cameras. But at 180cm and 76kg, she's hardly plus-sized.

Okay, so she's got large thighs, and heaven forbid, a flabby tummy.

But suddenly she's not plus-sized? WELL GEE, WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT. Whose side are you on, anyway, Susie?

Losing weight is hard work. It takes sacrifice and effort. As a mother of three in my late 30s with a new gym membership, I know this first-hand.

The tiniest violin in the world, bb. And maybe an *emotear*. Seriously, you have post-pregnancy weight? Maybe it's just because you gestated three new human beings inside you. That's pretty awesome, and tends to change your body shape. Yeah.  And as for sacrifice - well, yeah, if you mean sacrificing your mental health, probably your physical health once you gain it back (because why would we have a diet industry if we could all lose weight and keep it off?), and hell, any interesting kind of food.  I don't know about the rest of you, but food's pretty awesome.

It's much easier to accept the pro-fat manifesto than hit the treadmill.

 

Just, no. If it was easier to be pro-fat, we'd have taken over by now.

Let's face it, Australians - like Americans - do not need any encouragement or permission from role models in the media to put on weight.

 

Thanks for fighting the good fight against positivity and healthy self-esteem in the media, Susie! Fortunately for you, size-acceptance is still a significant minority in terms of media coverage, so not to worry there. A nice underhanded anti-American slight too – very smooth.

 

Alarmingly, a new Australian study of more than 30,000 people shows obese and morbidly obese men are less depressed and less suicidal than those of a normal weight.

You know why Susie? You really want to know why? C'mere, I'll tell you a secret.

…

FAT PEOPLE EAT. People who don't eat or diet tend to (anecdotally, this is my experience) feel like absolute shit because they are hungry all the fucking time. It messes with you.

But it's time to get real - fat people may be happier but they're also digging their graves with a fork, and we're all paying for it.

Well, you should be happier that we're killing ourselves! Because then you'll get to stop paying for us! (As stupid as that concept is, because we have semi-socialised healthcare here).

And we get to the crux of the article. Underneath all the 'but it's for your health' hand-waving, Susie O'Brien just thinks fat people cost too much. And are ugly.

Look, if you don't want to give us nice clothes to wear, that's fine. Just get us a clause to go around naked.

Source: News.com.au (careful of the comments, they tend to represent the lowest common denominator.)

I'm currently a public sector employee and I've been in the sector since 2002. Up until then I was either unemployed or working part time jobs like Chinese Food Delivery Driver or Franklins Checkout Chick. I was lucky to get a traineeship with the State Government and my career world has expanded from there. (Lucky I was a male - I seemed to fill a required quote!)

Seven and a bit years on, with only a three month foray as a temp in the private sector, I've done pretty well for myself. I don't have a university degree, but I have a degree in "working your way up through the public sector." My Year 12 (final year) high school Accounting has become very handy over the years, and I've gone from an Administration Officer, Procurement Officer, Senior Procurement Officer (titles are everything!), Assets Officer, Finance Officer and now Senior Finance Officer (there's that title thing again!). At the moment I'm an Acting Team Leader. I think that's pretty ace.

So now that I've given myself a massive ego trip, onto the point of my post. I feel like I've achieved a lot in my career. I worked hard and taken some knocks. It took five years to get myself a permanent position rather than hanging onto my career by a thread. Another two to get a permanent promotion. And yet I've been FAT all the while.

There is this idea that there is a glass ceiling that if you are fat you will never succeed in business. You never see fat men and women in movies or on TV running corporations or even being middle management. Usually the fat guy is the one middle management are picking on. It doesn't have to be that way.

I have some tips to help you in order to success in your career while being fat and fancy.

1. Always be fancy. By that I mean dress well, make sure you have well fitting clothes that suit your figure. Don't show too much skin and dress according to the general feel of your working environment. A couple of days in any organisation will show you what is expected. (You could always ask - no one will bite!)
2. Be confident in your abilities. You were hired because they thought you would be good at your job, so be good. Do your best and ask for help. Don't get into the mindset that you have to work it all out on your own. Sure, show some initiative but you need to get stuff right.
3. Don't play the fat card. You know what I'm talking about, and I've done it plenty of time. This is where you are all talking in a social situation and you are talking about this and that. "Oh, I've never done that - but I can't cause I'm too fat!" Perhaps be honest and say "It's never really interested me" or whatever the truth is.  Also don't do the fat jokes. Been there, and people aren't laughing with you - they just feel sorry for you.
4. Be yourself. You have to be there eight hours a day. If you want to have that chocolate bar, have the fecking chocolate bar. If you want to go for a walk at lunchtime, go for a walk. The only caveat here is that if you like to chat with your workmates a lot, don't let it impact on your work. In fact, nothing should impact on your work.

Actually when I think about it, just about all that could be used for non fat people too. Just replace any reference to fat with skinny or normal or whatever defining word you want to use and it still makes sense.

So in conclusion, being fat doesn't make you a poor employee, so don't sabotage yourself, get in there and work hard. If you get knocked back for that promotion, ask why. Get feedback. Find out what things you need to improve on to get to the next level. They cannot deny you because you are fat, so don't give them any other reason to say no.

I note reports that fat women have more issues in the workplace than fat men. This could be true but I'm not really in a position to comment myself. If you feel that this is the case, leave me some comments. If there is enough feedback perhaps I can form it into a future post presenting a female perspective on this topic.

MinkPink Tunic

As a fat person, numbers have ruled me for a significant portion of my life.  The number on the scale, the number on my blood-pressure readings, the number of slices of cake I can eat... the list goes on.

The number that often has the most power, not just for fat women but for women of all sizes, though, is the number (or letter) on the tags of your clothing.

You are not going to die if you have to wear an XXL instead of an XL, or a 14 instead of a 12.

These little numbers can buoy us up to great heights, or pull us down into the deepest pits of despair - if you let them.  When I was in highschool and at the height of my food restriction, I managed to shoehorn myself into a pair of size 13 jeans.  It was possibly one of the greatest moments of my life.  Conversely, a year or two later when I went into Portmans and couldn't zip up a size 16 skirt, I was devastated for over a week.

I am not defined by numbers - and neither are you.  Don't be afraid to tell people what you weigh or what size you are (usually).  I'll put my money where my mouth is: I weigh 106 kilograms, and wear Australian sizes 18-22 (usually - my closet has items from a 14 to a 22). 

See size tags for what they are: completely and utterly arbitrary.  In this photograph, I'm wearing one of my newest favourite tunics, by Sydney label MinkPink.  It's a size 14.  I haven't been a size 14 in many years, so don't let tags deceive you.  Try things on - judge by how the garment looks, not the tag number.  Size up or down as the fit requires.  If you can't, due to a narrow size range, let it go.  Don't buy it and attempt to berate yourself into losing weight to wear it.  That never ends well.

Numbers are just that - numbers.  They are not a measure of your worth as a person. 

For the curious: tunic is by MinkPink via 360 Degrees in West End, size 14, tights are by We Love Colors and are a size C-D, shoes are by Miu Miu via Jean Brown and are a 40 1/2.  Guitar sneakily borrowed from my roommate.

I have always been interested in fashion, but it wasn’t until the past few years that my interest came through in the clothing I wear. I used to think that I was too fat, or too ugly to care about fashion. This changed when I became fat positive, and started hanging around with other fat positive friends. I was influenced by them, people on the internet and people on the street, and I wanted to let my style blossom. I started small, wearing more skirts and flashing my legs. I then built up to bright lipsticks, headwear and tights. It garnered more attention, which at first felt weird to me, and I wanted to hide. Now, if I’m being totally honest, I kinda love it. Oh yeah, vanity. Anyway, here is my evolution:

July 07July 08 July 09

Tiara linked me to a post on Agent Lover wherein the heroine of the piece thought she'd slap the wrist of a fellow blogger who included her pictures in a "Fat Love Friday" post without permission. Mars from Chicken Dinner Candybar apologised and offered to remove the photos, but this offer was not taken up. I'll blog about this since Marie from Agent Lover thought it was fair enough to bring into the public sphere, and because I have a few important issues to raise. Like my fist, as I shake it into the sky.

Sort your shit out privately.

It's not "brave" to have a whinge about this when you've already dealt with the author of the "offending" post. What's your intention? Publically shaming Chicken Dinner Candybar by directing your readership over there isn't very mature. Your large readership could now very well have a negative bias towards the "offending" blogger and a strengthened bias against the notion of fatness. That shit is for Livejournal, dear Maude!

That isn't the way to spread body acceptance.

I'm not sure body acceptance even registers as an issue for Agent Lover, because she admits that "fat" is a negative word. The fat-o-sphere has been around the internet for a few years, plus yannow, we're fat so we're super visible! As a blogger, Marie must have some powerful blinders on. The fat-o-sphere doesn't just encompass fat people either - there's a range of body types blogging about the topic and these authors self identify as "fat allies", "inbetweenies", "deathfatties" and other titles using fat with and without the ph.

Fat isn't a pejorative to a lot of people.

"No matter how many times anyone tries to empower the word, the word fat ain’t going to be thought of as positive unless it’s spelled with a PH, ok?"

I guess I missed that memo. A lot of us did. The tricky thing about saying "never" is that one day you're going to have to eat your hat. Chicken Dinner Candybar obviously considers fat to be a positive word, she blogs about it at least every Friday! The thing Marie forgot to take into consideration was context. If my pictures were posted all over a site that obviously talked disparagingly about fat, I would not only email them but spread my wrath throughout the bloggerverse. That's not what happened here. While Marie has every right to be upset, she does not have the right to decree that other people can't ever empower fatness.

Personally, I hate it when people use euphemisms for fat. Fluffy, BBW, curvaceous - they all make me cringe. I'm fat, I'm empowered and I'm doing pretty well, thanks very much!

You put your picture on the internet.

You have very little control over where it goes from there, or what people associate with your body. In this case it well-intentioned but poorly received. It could have been way worse. I post my photos on FUCKYEAHDEATHFATTIES and I've seen some very nasty comments as people reblog my photos. But you know what? I suck it up, because I know I'm fucking fancy!

You don't just see a fat person's style, you see their body too.

Don't negate it, and don't pretend it doesn't exist. If style was the most visible thing about people, many of us would be walking down catwalks. The truth is that body shape is a HUGE FACTOR and denying that it's a political battlefield is tantamount to plugging your head in the sand and showing everyone your pantaloons.

Whether one self identifies as fat or not, one does not have the right to declare unilaterally that fat is a negative word for absolutely every body. We've been conditioned to accept certain words (and indeed body types!) as positive or negative, and it's really important to understand that human thoughts and prejudices aren't set in stone. We can gradually accept a notion that challenges our conditioning by being open and asking questions and participating - not by digging into the ground, crying offense and refusing to grow.

You know, for a long time I was very disdainful of fashion.  Looking back, it was probably a combination of resentment that I couldn't fit into clothes that were fashionable, and a sense that I was a nerdy girl and thus 'not allowed' to be fashionable.

To which I now say: BULLSHIT.  Anyone can be fancy, in their own way.  It's just a matter of finding your style.

I posted my first Ootfit of the Day (OotD) on the Fatshionista Livejournal community around January 2008 (I can't find the exact date).  Not much, is it?  It was the middle of winter, and my body was still learning to cope with a Japanese winter.  I'm wearing a tomato red turtleneck from Japanese store Uniqlo, and old cream turtleneck from Ezibuy (an Australian catalogue shop), a black top from Uniqlo (which I still have and love), a pair of jeans from a Japanese plus-size store, and socks.  No accessories, no shoes, taken in a dirty mirror - the only thing going for it really is my awesome haircut.

It's interesting that some things here have stayed the same: I love layering, especially long sleeves under short, and I have a pretty similar haircut.  What's happening is I'm learning, and taking photos of yourself is a huge step towards accepting your body, and deciding what sort of styles you really enjoy and are comfortable in.

In this outfit, which I'm not sure of the date, but is a similar timeframe, I've discovered dresses.  I've seen a lot of members in Fatshionista wearing dresses, and have decided to try breaking out of my top-and-jeans rut.  The dress is from Jump, an Australian brand stocked at department store David Jones.  I'm wearing a necklace in this one, but I'm clearly still working on the 'co-ordinated outfit' thing.  Still loving my hair!

Here's where I start to get my fancy on! I've discovered the concept of accessories, particularly scarves and earrings.  I'm still having a love affair with scarves, actually.  Tell me your favourite place to buy fancy scarves!   This particular outfit features a thrifted dress, a random black top, sunglasses by Christian Dior, scarf from a random Japanese boutique, and coloured tights  from We Love Colors, a fabulous site that sells opaque tights in heaps of colours.

From here, I pretty much go nuts trying to find the style that suits me.  Ultimately, I love dresses and skirts, particularly of the knee-length a-line or pencil variety.  I'm still not sure if belts work for me, but my love for  scarves will probably never abate, and I'm a big fan of interesting (yet comfortable) shoes.

A couple of my favourite outfits! Featuring the first thing I ever bought from a Fatshionista sales post, which are a great way for antipodean fats to get hold of US and UK clothing at a reasonable price.  The first photo features a tunic is from Maurices via a sales post, cropped cardigan from Japanese store We Go, and boots from Japanese shoe store Washington.  (How amazing is it that I was able to find gorgeous wide-calf boots in Japan?!

Number two is a black top from 1626 via Natalie's clothing swap, grey high-waisted skirt from Dorothy Perkins (shop review to come!), and shoes from Marui, a Japanese department store. And the last is what I wore to work on Thursday, as today outfit of jeans and a jumper for casual Friday was not very fancy! Dress by Mlle Gabrille via Alight.com, sweater from Uniqlo, ribbon stolen from another skirt, jacket from Basque Woman (Myer), tights from Jinnee (Japanese plus-size store) and shoes by Naot.

I hope this gives readers a bit of insight into how the Axis of Fat members get their fanciness on, and in future posts there'll be handy-dandy shop reviews, and some vlogging to help you all reach the fancy lady or man inside!