As a male member of the Fat Acceptance community and as a blogger on this site, I have been contacted by the media to talk about fat acceptance or being fat in general. I'm more than happy to agree to these requests where I'm sure that it isn't just a chance to put down fat people for being fat. I have no interest in helping the media reinforce the negative perceptions which were created by the media in the first place.

People have commented on how confident I sound and how I have the capacity to communicate my points clearly and in an manner that is easy to understand. It probably comes as a surprise then to learn that I actually have problems speaking on the phone or in person with people I don't know. I'm hopeless at face to face communication with someone I don't know when it is a social situation. If I don't have to do it, I don't seem to do very well at it.

Perhaps then it is my passion for Fat Acceptance and how strongly I believe in it. It's because of my unwavering belief in myself and those around me. Let me tell you this is wrong. Very wrong. Very recently I've been struggling a bit with how I feel about my body. It's very easy in these times to fall back to old habits and believe that all my problems are because I am fat, and therefore weight loss is the solution.

Yesterday I was in the chemist and they have a weight loss program that they run there. I saw the after picture of the lady who had completed the program and she seemed so happy with herself. I want that happiness, so surely by drinking nothing but shakes and losing 75+kg I'm going to be just as happy as her.

Somehow I doubt it.

Happiness comes from within a person. How many unhappy people do you know who aren't fat? Does the height of a person affect their happiness? What about their race? Does the fact that I was born in November mean that I'm more or less happy than Natalie, who is born in December? Think about it for a minute instead of sprouting the rote learned answers that the media/your friends/your parents/society have conditioned you to have.

I'm not a psychologist. In fact, I struggle to spell the word correctly without a spell checker. If I asked you to think about what makes you happy and unhappy, you would find two things (or at least I did). I feel happy or unhappy when a) someone does something/something occurs/something external to me makes me feel happy or unhappy or b) when I think something/feel something/something internal makes me feel happy or unhappy.

Being fat doesn't make me happy or unhappy. People's reactions/thoughts/words about me being fat make me happy or unhappy. How I perceive the fact that I am fat make me happy or unhappy. And really since you have to process the external stuff as well as the internal stuff, it's how you process it that determines how you feel about it.

"Wha? It's all my fault that I'm unhappy? Should I just accept being discriminated against?" No. But you decide what you feel about it.

I can decide to feel sad and retreat inside myself. Alternatively I can calmly explain to the person why I think they are incorrect in whatever they've said (or done). There will be times where I just decide that the person isn't going to get it, so I choose to not waste more time and more on. I can remain happy because I realise within myself that I am fat and that this doesn't mean I need to be unhappy or feel inferior and that is all that really matters.

Sometimes I will not feel happy about being fat. It's true that society is designed around the "normal sized" person, whatever that is. There are things that I want to do that I physically can't because the designer has said "Thou shalt not be fat." Other times, I'll just feel fug in my clothes and blame being fat, instead of raising up against the fashion designers who decide that a tent is perfect for a fat man to wear to work.

But it doesn't make me any less committed to the Fat Acceptance movement. Sometimes you have to fall over, feel like crap and then get up again. It doesn't mean you failed.

It means you're human.

I'm currently laying in bed feeling a little under the weather. I've never really found a comfortable position to lay down and use a laptop, but this is as good as any.

This week there has been a lot of talk regarding Mia Freedman's recent blog posts on gainers and how she believes they are glorifying obesity. I have no intention of linking to the post; you can find it through a Google search but I have no intention of providing any more readers to that blog post.

Those of you who know me well know that I don't take a lot of time out of my day to read the blogs of the fatosphere. I certainly don't read Mama Mia, which seems to be a blog about women's fashion, body image and similar. The first I had heard of the blog post and the ensuing debate was yesterday morning when contacted by a producer for the Steve Vizard radio show on 3MTR in Melbourne.

So despite my ignorance, I read the blog post and it actually seemed pretty innocuous to me. Then again, I've read on a few other sites that it has been edited to tone down the language. The comments are still full of fat hatred and I would think that someone in Mia's position would realise the need to moderate the discussion to remove the blatantly fat phobic comments.

She also didn't do herself any favours by suggesting fat activists had eaten a "big bowl of crazy for breakfast" in one of her comments. Actually, that entire comment seems to show that she doesn't understand fat acceptance.

So what is fat acceptance? This will mean different things to differnet people. To me, fat acceptance is about learning to love and accept yourself for who you are, no matter your weight, shape and size. It is also accepting and respecting people no matter what shape or weight they are. If we were to throw in the idea of accepting people no matter their religion, colour, or ethnic background you could really turn "fat acceptance" into "human acceptance".

The reason for a separate stream called fat acceptance is that there are issues that affect fat people that don't affect those discriminated based on their sexuality or colour or religion. We may share some issues but we don't share them in the same way either.

Some of the issues that I notice being a fat person is:

• The assumption that being fat, and therefore calling someone fat, is offensive.
• Being fat means you are disorganised, unclean and somehow defective.
• A fat person cannot be fit and healthy.
• Fat people must change themselves to fit the norms that are decided by the rest of society.
• Fat people should be blamed for sky rocketing health costs.
• A fat person cannot expect to go into a clothing store and find clothes that will fit and look good on them.
• A fat person should expect that any health issue they suffer is because they are fat. Mental health included.

As I mentioned earlier, a producer for the Steve Vizard show on Melbourne's 3MTR contacted me regarding the Mia Freedman incident. I did a phone interview with Steve and while we did touch on the Mia Freedman issue a bit, most of the discussion was about what fat acceptance really is and what it means to be fat. Have a listen and let me know if you think I got it right or not.

Being a fat activist means that I am fighting these issues and more every day. I don't blog about this every day but it is important to remind ourselves regularly of what issues we face. I've noticed that LGBT groups get together the protest about the right to marry and that other groups have held protests over the years to fight discrimination. It's weird that fat people don't feel the need to get together and fight this stuff 'in the field'.

Perhaps fat people are used to being put in the corner. Perhaps we feel it is our deserved place; after all that is what everyone tells us.

What do you think?

I am fat. I am relatively unhealthy. I do not exercise more than the occasional Zumba dance, and that's because I find it fun and not exercise! I eat what I want when I want and I am happy being this way. Recently I have been unwell, and most likely will be for the next few months due to an extended convalescence. It sucks, but I have only just realised that having this extended down time has sent me into a shame spiral about my lifestyle.

I have noticed on more than one blog that being a "good fat" comes with a disclaimer of the "health at every size" mantra, which includes looking after your body by exercising and eating intuitively regardless of how you look. Now I love the concept of Health at Every Size, even if I don't particularly follow it past intuitive eating. It's important for me to recognise that people can be their own versions of healthy and happy whether they are a size zero or a size fifty. It's a great idea that is being promoted, but it's also frustrating when "bad fats" are ganged up for not following that lifestyle to the letter.

What I think is important to remember is this: if you are fat, unhealthy, eat what you want and never exercise then that doesn't make you a bad person. You are you and that is just that. Being unhealthy and being fat are not synonymous but even if they were? It deserves no moral judgement. You may be fat. Society doesn't want you to know this, but that's a morally neutral place to be. It's the same as having curly hair, or large feet. There is no such thing as a good fat person or a bad fat person any more than there are good thin people or bad thin people. We are individuals and should determine what is right for us and nobody else. The way someone looks should not determine what we think of them because that's no better than discriminating against someone because of the colour of their skin, or their gender, or their religion. 

If someone is trying to tell you that you should look, think or act a certain way then try and discover their motives. Ask them why they think it's important and really listen to their reasoning. Tell them the reasons for your lifestyle choices, regardless of what they are. And if they use the "we're concerned for your health" comment, i suggest calmly stating that you are in control of your body and can do what you want with it. Be confident in your choice, but not defensive - you know what is right for you, and calmly stating that will help them see that you are in control. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decisions, as they are yours and yours alone. Unless you are incapable of making those decisions for yourself, you have a right to choose your life.  You are the only person who knows what is right for you!

These are all just my opinions, obviously. What do you think?

Today has been a really interesting day. If you are reading this post, you probably have seen my post from yesterday where I posted the story of a lady who had gone through weight loss surgery. You've also probably decided to continue reading this blog. Good for you.

I'd like to give you the balls and all story of Nicholas Perkins, at least as it relates to my weight issues, how I came upon Fat Acceptance and HAES, and why I blog on here. Perhaps it will give you an idea of why I come here and post stuff, including yesterdays post which caused so much controversy.

I'm a fat man, which probably isn't surprising as why would a skinny bloke be on here blogging about Fat Acceptance and trying to find clothes that fit. I've been fat ever since I can remember, probably even back to being four. I remember a story Mum used to tell of me falling over in the main street of the town I grew up in one day and skinning my knee. I was crying like any four year old would. My mum couldn't pick me up and carry me to the chemist to get a bandaid. She told me to get up and walk because "I can't carry you - you're too heavy."

Throughout my life I was picked on as the fat kid. All of my friends from when I were young would tease me. It's what little kids do and I can look back on it now with rose coloured glasses in some cases. They all know better now. There are some that hurt me way too much that I would never forgive though.

Being picked on at school because I was too slow to run away was fun. Having rubbish bins dumped on my head and being kicked in the nuts was fun. Being taken to the principal's office and getting sent home from school because I retaliated against such attacks is fun.

My mother tried to help me lose weight. She was doing what she thought was right, but really it ingrained in me a deep sense of guilt. It was all my fault that I was fat, and I had to do something about it. She didn't say it, but it sounded like it. When I move out of home, she bought me a Dr Phil book about taking control of your weight. I'm sure it's still in the bookshelf for the day that I might need it.

I met the woman of my dreams and married her last year. She is fat, just like I am. She struggled with this when I first met her and she still does today, just like I do. She trumped over the evil crap that society puts onto you by having a fat and proud wedding and she looked very f*cking fancy. You'll have seen the pictures on a previous post.

My wedding day for me was awesome but it was mixed with a private shame. I was fat and I was ashamed of making my wife look so bad. Why didn't I try harder to lose some weight? Why didn't I exercise more and do the right things so that I would look my best on my wedding day?

My wife discovered the idea of Health at Every Size and Fat Acceptance in the last year or two. Slowly over time she spoke to me about the things she was finding, and she got the Kate Harding book "Lesson's from the Fat-O-Sphere". The change in her over time was amazing as she grew more confident within herself and more accepting of who she was - fat.

She started to talk to me about these sorts of issues too and when I would get down on myself about my weight, she would tell me to stop it and think of it differently. Think about being healthy no matter how heavy you are. I started reading more into it, including blog posts and videos that she did. Eventually she talked about forming the Axis Of Fat with her friends, and I said I wanted in.

Why? Simple.

I wanted to belong to a group where being fat was ok. I am who I am and I love me just as much as a skinny person is allowed to love themselves. I could come on here and write about how I was feeling coming to terms with being fat and proud and trying to live a life which is healthy and still fat loving. It's hard, and I struggle every day with the deamons of "you aren't perfect; you are fat." To that I say "Bullshit".

I'm not an expert on Fat Acceptance. I'm here to learn. I'm here to say what I want to say and to get feedback in return. There is little point attacking me because it does me no good. Point me in the right direction instead. Give me some good material to read. Convey your arguments in such a tone that I want to read and understand your view.

Feel free to say "I'm offended, because.... You should read this, this and this as it will help you to understand my point of view" and I will. I posted my previous post on weight loss surgery because I took away this simple message.

It doesn't matter whether you lose weight or not. It doesn't matter what you do, who you are, what your background is. You need to learn to love yourself. Doreen has had surgery and is still learning to love herself. It didn't fix that. Going on a diet and losing weight will not make you love yourself. Skinny people don't all love themselves either.

Learn to love yourself and those around you. We are all at different places in our journey. I don't claim to be a font of knowledge or a leader in Fat Acceptance. I claim to be but one man in a sea of fatties trying to have his voice heard, not shouted down.

Possibly triggering - some diet/weight-loss talk.

I don't own scales.

I haven't done so for a long time now.  There were a pair in the laundry in the house I lived in in Japan, but they didn't work properly.  In my current house, there are some in the downstairs bathroom, but I live upstairs.

So I haven't weighed myself, in, oh, at least six months.  Because it triggers me.  I slip back into self-loathing, disordered eating thoughts.

Last night I was at a friends house drinking cheap wine and watching silly movies.  I went to the bathroom, and there's a pair of scales.

And I stupidly weighed myself.  I've gained approximately ten kilos since leaving Japan.  And straightaway my mind went to "If you just go on that shake diet again, you'll drop ten kilos in two months!  Then you'll be back to normal!"  And somehow that thought seemed okay, because if I lost ten kilos, I'd still be deathfat.

Not gonna lie, the temptation was overwhelming.

I'm still learning how to be a size acceptance activist, and it's constant struggle to fight against those ingrained thought patterns.  Even as I type this, there's a little voice in the back of my mind reminding how easy it was diet when I last worked in an office.  And there's an underlying fear that no matter how much I do or don't diet, I'm just going to keep gaining weight.

I know, objectively, that diets don't work.  I went on my first diet at 79 kilograms just on ten years ago, and I now weigh 114 kilos.  Throughout that time, I've dieted, restricted, binged, and purged.

It doesn't work.  I know this.

Every day is a struggle.  So every day I read Notes From The Fatosphere, every day I read Fatshionista, and every day I try and surrond myself with people who love me for who I am, and who are as passionate about acceptance as I am.

Being a fat acceptance blogger doesn't mean you won't feel down sometimes. It doesn't mean you will come across things that make you question what you believe. It doesn't mean you can brush off all the hurtful words as ignorance. But that's OK.

So over the last few weeks I've been feeling a bit anxious here and there when a few medical symptoms have come on. Also during the last few weeks, I've been really into myself about being fat yet again. I've equated fat as being bad and that to be healthy I need to not be fat. That doesn't sound very fat accepting, and it isn't. However I went there and I'm happy to admit to my flaws.

I'm fairly new to the fat acceptance concept compared to some of the other bloggers on AoF (like my wife) and so I still sometimes struggle with the idea. I still have thoughts of "well it's not healthy to be fat, that's why I'm sick" or "I feel so tired - if only I wasn't so fat!" What is important to remember is that even the best of us at some stage can go back to old, more familiar habits without realising it.

When I think more clearly, the issue is clearly a health one. If I exercised more, I would be healthier. If I ate better (fresher foods; foods that don't upset my reflux; smaller portions which is also important for reflux) then I would be healthier too. Doing these things would help me to be healthy.

"So?", you say. That's a weight loss program.

Yes, it is. But what if I lost no weight? You can eat the perfect diet, and do the perfect amount of exercise and still be fat and healthy. What's so wrong with that? If I have a general level of fitness and a generally good, nutritious diet, then so what?

Weight loss isn't the goal. Healthiness is the goal. If I aim for health and achieve it, it doesn't matter if I'm fat or not. What matters is that you accept me no matter what shape I am, or what level of health I have.

To me, that's fat acceptance as I understand it.

Disagree? Talk to me.

The fancy people behind Axis of Fat have all written and contributed to blogs for a while now. But we felt that there was something missing in the blogging world, especially the Australian blogging world -- and that was a collective of fat and fashionable fancy ladies (and men!), blogging about their politics, fat issues, their style and how we find shit to fit. The idea for the Axis of Fat came about from an idea Natalie had, in which we combine our different knowledge and blogging experiences into one big blog. 

The idea for Axis of Fat actually came together while Zoe was overseas in Japan (being fat all over the place and getting some seriously fashionable gear), so the whole concept coalesced before the four of us had even all met in person.  Once she returned, and the four of us finally got together, we realised how far we could take the concept.  We have a wide knowledge base: Nick's web experience and familiarity with the fail that is fat men's clothing (HI LOWES), Natalie's extensive blogging on various fat issues, Sonya's writing and previous blog work in NoMoreMumus and Zoe's wide knowledge of international plus-size fashion.  Naturally, we can take on a variety of topics - from the dearth of plus size fashion in Australia to fat acceptance activism.     

We plan to have regular features on the blog, including vlogging style and Cosmo-esque lifestyle tips (with more cursing), how to find the elusive and sneaky clothing for fat men, and advice on how to build an oufit to suit your style. One feature we hope to make a regular occurence is to put our op-shopping skills to the test, and scour the thrift stores in order to find clothing and accessories for cheap, while still keeping in with personal style.  If you are in Brisbane and are interested in being part of a vlog, drop us a line - any size is welcome.

-The Axis of Fat collective