Today has been a really interesting day. If you are reading this post, you probably have seen my post from yesterday where I posted the story of a lady who had gone through weight loss surgery. You've also probably decided to continue reading this blog. Good for you.

I'd like to give you the balls and all story of Nicholas Perkins, at least as it relates to my weight issues, how I came upon Fat Acceptance and HAES, and why I blog on here. Perhaps it will give you an idea of why I come here and post stuff, including yesterdays post which caused so much controversy.

I'm a fat man, which probably isn't surprising as why would a skinny bloke be on here blogging about Fat Acceptance and trying to find clothes that fit. I've been fat ever since I can remember, probably even back to being four. I remember a story Mum used to tell of me falling over in the main street of the town I grew up in one day and skinning my knee. I was crying like any four year old would. My mum couldn't pick me up and carry me to the chemist to get a bandaid. She told me to get up and walk because "I can't carry you - you're too heavy."

Throughout my life I was picked on as the fat kid. All of my friends from when I were young would tease me. It's what little kids do and I can look back on it now with rose coloured glasses in some cases. They all know better now. There are some that hurt me way too much that I would never forgive though.

Being picked on at school because I was too slow to run away was fun. Having rubbish bins dumped on my head and being kicked in the nuts was fun. Being taken to the principal's office and getting sent home from school because I retaliated against such attacks is fun.

My mother tried to help me lose weight. She was doing what she thought was right, but really it ingrained in me a deep sense of guilt. It was all my fault that I was fat, and I had to do something about it. She didn't say it, but it sounded like it. When I move out of home, she bought me a Dr Phil book about taking control of your weight. I'm sure it's still in the bookshelf for the day that I might need it.

I met the woman of my dreams and married her last year. She is fat, just like I am. She struggled with this when I first met her and she still does today, just like I do. She trumped over the evil crap that society puts onto you by having a fat and proud wedding and she looked very f*cking fancy. You'll have seen the pictures on a previous post.

My wedding day for me was awesome but it was mixed with a private shame. I was fat and I was ashamed of making my wife look so bad. Why didn't I try harder to lose some weight? Why didn't I exercise more and do the right things so that I would look my best on my wedding day?

My wife discovered the idea of Health at Every Size and Fat Acceptance in the last year or two. Slowly over time she spoke to me about the things she was finding, and she got the Kate Harding book "Lesson's from the Fat-O-Sphere". The change in her over time was amazing as she grew more confident within herself and more accepting of who she was - fat.

She started to talk to me about these sorts of issues too and when I would get down on myself about my weight, she would tell me to stop it and think of it differently. Think about being healthy no matter how heavy you are. I started reading more into it, including blog posts and videos that she did. Eventually she talked about forming the Axis Of Fat with her friends, and I said I wanted in.

Why? Simple.

I wanted to belong to a group where being fat was ok. I am who I am and I love me just as much as a skinny person is allowed to love themselves. I could come on here and write about how I was feeling coming to terms with being fat and proud and trying to live a life which is healthy and still fat loving. It's hard, and I struggle every day with the deamons of "you aren't perfect; you are fat." To that I say "Bullshit".

I'm not an expert on Fat Acceptance. I'm here to learn. I'm here to say what I want to say and to get feedback in return. There is little point attacking me because it does me no good. Point me in the right direction instead. Give me some good material to read. Convey your arguments in such a tone that I want to read and understand your view.

Feel free to say "I'm offended, because.... You should read this, this and this as it will help you to understand my point of view" and I will. I posted my previous post on weight loss surgery because I took away this simple message.

It doesn't matter whether you lose weight or not. It doesn't matter what you do, who you are, what your background is. You need to learn to love yourself. Doreen has had surgery and is still learning to love herself. It didn't fix that. Going on a diet and losing weight will not make you love yourself. Skinny people don't all love themselves either.

Learn to love yourself and those around you. We are all at different places in our journey. I don't claim to be a font of knowledge or a leader in Fat Acceptance. I claim to be but one man in a sea of fatties trying to have his voice heard, not shouted down.

Tiara linked me to a post on Agent Lover wherein the heroine of the piece thought she'd slap the wrist of a fellow blogger who included her pictures in a "Fat Love Friday" post without permission. Mars from Chicken Dinner Candybar apologised and offered to remove the photos, but this offer was not taken up. I'll blog about this since Marie from Agent Lover thought it was fair enough to bring into the public sphere, and because I have a few important issues to raise. Like my fist, as I shake it into the sky.

Sort your shit out privately.

It's not "brave" to have a whinge about this when you've already dealt with the author of the "offending" post. What's your intention? Publically shaming Chicken Dinner Candybar by directing your readership over there isn't very mature. Your large readership could now very well have a negative bias towards the "offending" blogger and a strengthened bias against the notion of fatness. That shit is for Livejournal, dear Maude!

That isn't the way to spread body acceptance.

I'm not sure body acceptance even registers as an issue for Agent Lover, because she admits that "fat" is a negative word. The fat-o-sphere has been around the internet for a few years, plus yannow, we're fat so we're super visible! As a blogger, Marie must have some powerful blinders on. The fat-o-sphere doesn't just encompass fat people either - there's a range of body types blogging about the topic and these authors self identify as "fat allies", "inbetweenies", "deathfatties" and other titles using fat with and without the ph.

Fat isn't a pejorative to a lot of people.

"No matter how many times anyone tries to empower the word, the word fat ain’t going to be thought of as positive unless it’s spelled with a PH, ok?"

I guess I missed that memo. A lot of us did. The tricky thing about saying "never" is that one day you're going to have to eat your hat. Chicken Dinner Candybar obviously considers fat to be a positive word, she blogs about it at least every Friday! The thing Marie forgot to take into consideration was context. If my pictures were posted all over a site that obviously talked disparagingly about fat, I would not only email them but spread my wrath throughout the bloggerverse. That's not what happened here. While Marie has every right to be upset, she does not have the right to decree that other people can't ever empower fatness.

Personally, I hate it when people use euphemisms for fat. Fluffy, BBW, curvaceous - they all make me cringe. I'm fat, I'm empowered and I'm doing pretty well, thanks very much!

You put your picture on the internet.

You have very little control over where it goes from there, or what people associate with your body. In this case it well-intentioned but poorly received. It could have been way worse. I post my photos on FUCKYEAHDEATHFATTIES and I've seen some very nasty comments as people reblog my photos. But you know what? I suck it up, because I know I'm fucking fancy!

You don't just see a fat person's style, you see their body too.

Don't negate it, and don't pretend it doesn't exist. If style was the most visible thing about people, many of us would be walking down catwalks. The truth is that body shape is a HUGE FACTOR and denying that it's a political battlefield is tantamount to plugging your head in the sand and showing everyone your pantaloons.

Whether one self identifies as fat or not, one does not have the right to declare unilaterally that fat is a negative word for absolutely every body. We've been conditioned to accept certain words (and indeed body types!) as positive or negative, and it's really important to understand that human thoughts and prejudices aren't set in stone. We can gradually accept a notion that challenges our conditioning by being open and asking questions and participating - not by digging into the ground, crying offense and refusing to grow.

I decided to start Axis of Fat because I really wanted to develop and encourage Australian voices in the fat-o-sphere, and I am so passionate about creating a community of people so we can connect with each other on some of the more local issues surrounding Fat Acceptance. In the future, there might well be a small stable of writers behind the Axis, but we want to be able to interact with other Australian fat bloggers as well to develop community and create a supportive network. To that end, I need to figure out just who is out there blogging about fat!

I would like to connect with blogs that focus on Fat Acceptance and not weight loss. This includes Health at Every Size blogs too! My inconclusive list follows - I may have forgotten some blogs, so please jump in and suggest bloggers you are aware of in the comments!

• No More Mumus - written by our own Sonya
• Corpulent
• Fat Lot of Good
• Random Quorum
• Fat-o-matic
• Fatadelic
• Fat Heffalump
• Fat Feminist Foodie

As the Australian fat-o-sphere grows (it's inevitable, and awesome!) I will keep updating this entry. It might even be useful to make it sticky by putting a link to it up on the sidebar. If you've got any other suggestions as to how to strengthen our small but passionate community, please let us know!

On my personal blog I wrote an entry entitled "How to love yourself in 8 really hard steps" which included HAES principles. Linda Bacon commented on my entry, and suggested that I pledge to the HAES Community - but I'd actually already done it a few weeks earlier! I would love to encourage Australian bloggers, readers and commenters to also sign the pledge. If you don't know much about HAES, there's lots of resources on the site!